The 7th Command of Jesus is to Be reconciled—Matthew 5:24-25

One of the hardest things to do is to let go of anger and bitterness. In most cases, this anger is simply masked pain, originating from hurt, disappointment, betrayal, rejection and the list goes on.  Someone has hurt your feelings or flat out just hurt you. If you are like me, who has a list of childhood trauma, then you build walls or you just flush people, because that is easier than confronting. 

If feels like you solved the problem, you eliminated the source of frustration from your immediate day to day, but this unresolved bitterness, anger and unforgiveness is a cancer that secretly infests other areas of your life. 

I have been for a long time a PEOPLE flusher. If you hurt me, abandon me, reject me, like the barbie in the picture, I flush you. I flick you like a boog out of my life and move on. Well, this was my inclination before I became “born again.” I know from reading the bible several times and studying the bible, this is not only not acceptable, it puts me in jeopardy of going to HELL. Yep. Seems extreme. But we are required, yes required to forgive and in this case reconcile before our sacrifices, generous gifts, communion, our service or anything truly gets recognized by God. 

Matthew 5: 24-25 says ” First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. “

This scripture is in the context of how Jesus views anger, which is how he views Murder. When you murder, eliminate someone with your mind- well in the heavenly perspective it’s the same. 

We can’t please God in worship and service when we are holding unto anger and bitterness.  Speedy forgiveness and  reconciliation is necessary . This doesn’t mean you agree with how they treated you or acted. It just means you are showing mercy and grace. The goal is to please God, do what he says no matter what. There are some rare cases that physical reconciliation is not safe. Talk to God about this and release the anger. When we don’t settle matters quickly they “fester.” The longer we wait the worse the outcome. 

Take me for instance, my Dad and I had a big fight when I was in my 20’s. I was sad, crying over a bad doctor’s visit, I hurt his feelings by cancelling an evening to celebrate the holidays. I had been in the doctor’s office for 3 hours or more and the doctor was so rude, incentive. When I got home so late, I called to cancel the holiday evening. This led to a terrible screaming fight on the phone the next day. 

Then, we met in a restaurant called Clementine’s in Champions area. My Dad’s anger over my selfishness had festered. He stewed, his eyes were filled with anger and bitterness. I often say that he looked at me as if he had “murdered” an entire family. The eyes were dark, and I could feel his hatred from across the booth. ” I don’t know what you “F-ing want, from this F-ing relationships, but it’s time to cut the f-ing apron strings. ” 

My sister, who usually was in the role of my protection, changed roles in that instance, She said, ” Do not curse, there are small children in the booth behind us. ” 

He said, “You are f-ing right.” As he said this, he threw the napkin on the table. When he came into the restaurant he did not bring in the Christmas gifts. He was angry at me for my insensitivity to all the plans that had been made to have the Christmas celebration. In retrospect, I should have sucked up my depression and went. I am sure that they had prepared meals and tried to prepare something special. I know they felt like an evening was just a token anyway for a holiday celebration. My sister and I were always so torn between obligations of going to West Texas for Christmas, to my mom’s and to my Dad’s. Christmas was always high stress, and we always felt torn and bullied to do this or that. For years my grandmama’s wants were first fiddle to everyone or everything.  So Dad got the short end of the stick. But honestly I had no power, no control- just a child thrown “pillar to post” as my grandmama used to say. 

I regress. Now, Dad just left the restaurant in a fit of F bombs, anger. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months turned into 11 years. Marriages came. Babies came. There was but a crumb of a connection. It festered. Not only did it fester for me but also to my sister who decided, that what Dad did was too hurtful. She felt that if he treated me like this, she had no place for him either. The garage door went down and for her it never came up. The pain of any reconciliation  was just to risky. 

Boy, do I get it. There was a part of me that had hate. As I studied the bible, I realized that I was not pleasing God by not forgiving and not reconciling. When Dad and his wife, got a divorce, Dad reached out to me to see if he could come by and meet his 4 year old grandson that he never met. To say that I was terrified is an understatement. I was more than terrified. I couldn’t sleep. I cried for a week before he came. I went to talk to pastors and to girls that I had ministered to in a class I led called “Divorce hurts. God heals.” I was a mess. I journaled practically every day leading up to the reconciliation .

My stomach was torn up. My nerves were quaking. I couldn’t bare to see his car come up the driveway. Would I pass out? Collapse? Have a panic attack? 

When he came to the door, he had gray hair. He had aged so much.  I looked at him and with tears in his eyes he said, ” I have been so stupid. So stupid. Forgive me. ” 

In that moment, I saw my Dad. I saw the goodness in him again. The one that built me a playhouse after a little girl wouldn’t let me in. I saw the man who was at every dance recital and play, with flowers. The sensitive man who too felt rejected by me. 

We were broken people who needed each other. Who were more alike than we knew. 

I didn’t hate him. I hated the fact that I was confused about whether I mattered or not to him.

Anyway, I waisted 11 years without my Dad. 

I only had him 5 years before he passed away. His depression and insecurity killed him through the numbing of alcohol. But during that 5 years, he taught me about the bible. He was so smart, so amazingly gifted, a higher thinker. 

When Dad left on the day of reconciliation , I went for a run. I stopped running. Looked to the heavens and with tears streaming down my face, I spoke to God. ” I get it now. I get it now. I finally understand the  unconditional forgiveness of Jesus. ” 

I was formally baptized before my Dad’s memorial service. Forgiveness had changed me forever. 

The 7th Command of Jesus is to Be reconciled—Matthew 5:24-25

One of the hardest things to do is to let go of anger and bitterness. In most cases, this anger is simply masked pain, originating from hurt, disappointment, betrayal, rejection and the list goes on.  Someone has hurt your feelings or flat out just hurt you. If you are like me, who has a list of childhood trauma, then you build walls or you just flush people, because that is easier than confronting. 

If feels like you solved the problem, you eliminated the source of frustration from your immediate day to day, but this unresolved bitterness, anger and unforgiveness is a cancer that secretly infests other areas of your life. 

I have been for a long time a PEOPLE flusher. If you hurt me, abandon me, reject me, like the barbie in the picture, I flush you. I flick you like a boog out of my life and move on. Well, this was my inclination before I became “born again.” I know from reading the bible several times and studying the bible, this is not only not acceptable, it puts me in jeopardy of going to HELL. Yep. Seems extreme. But we are required, yes required to forgive and in this case reconcile before our sacrifices, generous gifts, communion, our service or anything truly gets recognized by God. 

Matthew 5: 24-25 says ” First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25 Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. “

This scripture is in the context of how Jesus views anger, which is how he views Murder. When you murder, eliminate someone with your mind- well in the heavenly perspective it’s the same. 

We can’t please God in worship and service when we are holding unto anger and bitterness.  Speedy forgiveness and  reconciliation is necessary . This doesn’t mean you agree with how they treated you or acted. It just means you are showing mercy and grace. The goal is to please God, do what he says no matter what. There are some rare cases that physical reconciliation is not safe. Talk to God about this and release the anger. When we don’t settle matters quickly they “fester.” The longer we wait the worse the outcome. 

Take me for instance, my Dad and I had a big fight when I was in my 20’s. I was sad, crying over a bad doctor’s visit, I hurt his feelings by cancelling an evening to celebrate the holidays. I had been in the doctor’s office for 3 hours or more and the doctor was so rude, incentive. When I got home so late, I called to cancel the holiday evening. This led to a terrible screaming fight on the phone the next day. 

Then, we met in a restaurant called Clementine’s in Champions area. My Dad’s anger over my selfishness had festered. He stewed, his eyes were filled with anger and bitterness. I often say that he looked at me as if he had “murdered” an entire family. The eyes were dark, and I could feel his hatred from across the booth. ” I don’t know what you “F-ing want, from this F-ing relationships, but it’s time to cut the f-ing apron strings. ” 

My sister, who usually was in the role of my protection, changed roles in that instance, She said, ” Do not curse, there are small children in the booth behind us. ” 

He said, “You are f-ing right.” As he said this, he threw the napkin on the table. When he came into the restaurant he did not bring in the Christmas gifts. He was angry at me for my insensitivity to all the plans that had been made to have the Christmas celebration. In retrospect, I should have sucked up my depression and went. I am sure that they had prepared meals and tried to prepare something special. I know they felt like an evening was just a token anyway for a holiday celebration. My sister and I were always so torn between obligations of going to West Texas for Christmas, to my mom’s and to my Dad’s. Christmas was always high stress, and we always felt torn and bullied to do this or that. For years my grandmama’s wants were first fiddle to everyone or everything.  So Dad got the short end of the stick. But honestly I had no power, no control- just a child thrown “pillar to post” as my grandmama used to say. 

I regress. Now, Dad just left the restaurant in a fit of F bombs, anger. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months turned into 11 years. Marriages came. Babies came. There was but a crumb of a connection. It festered. Not only did it fester for me but also to my sister who decided, that what Dad did was too hurtful. She felt that if he treated me like this, she had no place for him either. The garage door went down and for her it never came up. The pain of any reconciliation  was just to risky. 

Boy, do I get it. There was a part of me that had hate. As I studied the bible, I realized that I was not pleasing God by not forgiving and not reconciling. When Dad and his wife, got a divorce, Dad reached out to me to see if he could come by and meet his 4 year old grandson that he never met. To say that I was terrified is an understatement. I was more than terrified. I couldn’t sleep. I cried for a week before he came. I went to talk to pastors and to girls that I had ministered to in a class I led called “Divorce hurts. God heals.” I was a mess. I journaled practically every day leading up to the reconciliation .

My stomach was torn up. My nerves were quaking. I couldn’t bare to see his car come up the driveway. Would I pass out? Collapse? Have a panic attack? 

When he came to the door, he had gray hair. He had aged so much.  I looked at him and with tears in his eyes he said, ” I have been so stupid. So stupid. Forgive me. ” 

In that moment, I saw my Dad. I saw the goodness in him again. The one that built me a playhouse after a little girl wouldn’t let me in. I saw the man who was at every dance recital and play, with flowers. The sensitive man who too felt rejected by me. 

We were broken people who needed each other. Who were more alike than we knew. 

I didn’t hate him. I hated the fact that I was confused about whether I mattered or not to him.

Anyway, I waisted 11 years without my Dad. 

I only had him 5 years before he passed away. His depression and insecurity killed him through the numbing of alcohol. But during that 5 years, he taught me about the bible. He was so smart, so amazingly gifted, a higher thinker. 

When Dad left on the day of reconciliation , I went for a run. I stopped running. Looked to the heavens and with tears streaming down my face, I spoke to God. ” I get it now. I get it now. I finally understand the  unconditional forgiveness of Jesus. ” 

I was formally baptized before my Dad’s memorial service. Forgiveness had changed me forever.