My Bad Response to the Accident

Despite my display of love at the accident and many stories I’ve told sharing grace and protection of Jesus ( Yahshua), I have to tell you that the Spirit of Fear and Anxiety took this as an opportunity to oppress. 

After the accident, I was without a vehicle for a few weeks, even putting off a rental car because frankly I did not want to get back into a car. You know those two muscles on the front of your neck, man were they sore. Then on the next day, the tops of my shoulder muscles felt like raw meat from gripping the steering wheel. I guess I tensed up. Then, there is what could be described as a blinking red light in the upper part of my back a constant ache.

These discomforts however were not near as bad as what followed me, seemed to be in my head after the accident. 

Over and over, I could see in my mind the rear view mirror. That last image of the silver bullet barreling towards us like an Amtrack silver train played over and over in my mind.

When I finally got in a car, I felt slightly off like I had a wee-bit case of motion sickness, a twinge of dizziness. Like a soldier on duty scanning the woods or jungle during post duty while others sleep, I scanned the road in front and especially in back of the vehicle constantly. I was keenly aware of others speeding, whipping in and out and darting past. I would say it was a heightened state of awareness. It would be like going to Six Flags and trying to watch everyone who passed like you were looking for someone carrying a gun. I was an extreme watchman, my brain was working overtime and frankly it’s stressful to be that in “tuned” to the world on the road. 

On the first day I got my rental car, I decided to go get my hair cut and toes painted. I literally had not been out of the house but  once in two weeks. I was feeling confident, then on my way back from the hair cut outing,  a huge truck came dangerously close to me and then erratically moved over to the other lane. I was rattled , and I quickly canceled my trip to go to the grocery store.  I just went home instead and parked it!

In the afternoon Steve called and said, ” Meet me in town so we can go together to pick up the kids in Giddings. ” 

My voice cracked, ” I’m feeling anxious.” My crack soon turned into a full blown breakdown. I had not cried at all really since having the accident it was like I needed that release. 

We had gone to New Braunfel’s to look at a Tahoe and my husband was defensively driving but not in a way that was comfortable. He tried to pass an 18 wheeler who already had their left blinker on and I freaked out. I raised my voice and said, “NO. NO. ” 

Frustrated he pulled over on the highway and said, ” Do you want to drive? ” 

Frankly, I didn’t want to drive, and I didn’t want to be a passenger. I was feeling really overwhelmed. At that point I didn’t have a breakdown. But seeing a huge trucked crushed into a telephone pole on that trip did not help calm my nerves. I felt really misunderstood and I felt I was not being cared for gently. Some would call what I had a little Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

When I broke down and cried, something snapped in my husbands mind, ” Oh, she really was effected by this accident.”

I think he finally understood that I was not just being some complaining spouse about the driving. 

I said, “If you don’t mind. I don’t want to drive to town to meet you. Can you come home to get me? I know it’s out of the way.  And I know it sounds stupid not to take the free rental car, but I prefer taking your truck. ”

Sympathetically He said, ” Absolutely, no problem.”  Do you feel safer in my truck? ”

Still in tears I said, ” Yes, I think because it’s bigger. I’m sorry for  being a baby. I’m just not right. ” 

I thought once my Tahoe was delivered that my nerves would just disappear since it was a lot more metal than the Acadia and taller. 

But that just didn’t happen. I was not used to driving it. The main road into town is super windy and a good part is 4 lines with no center. People go fast through the curves through the hill country. When we first moved here, the road was much worse, and I remember lines of crosses along the highway from people who had died in car accidents on this road. With the accident, I was keenly aware the area is growing so fast, and there are too many drivers on this curvy road. 

So frankly, the Spirit of Fear  was full on – on me! Fear and Anxiousness had really gone into overdrive, no pun intended.

As a believer who works in deliverance ministry, this is extremely frustrating. I mean come on Shea, where is your faith. Don’t you know you and the kids and the man who hit you were all protected? I knew how to fight it. So go away already! 

When I got into the car, I prayed over the car and everyone in the car that we would be completely protected from all harm. 

When I started feeling light headed or anxious, I would say, “In the name of Yahshua, I cast out the Spirit of Fear!”

I would also start singing praises and sing a song like this, ” I walk by Faith, Not by Fear. ”

Then, I decided to turn on the radio to a Christian station. This helped a lot to divert my mind. 

Instead of obsessively, micromanaging the road, I was singing in gratitude. 

Things really took a shift for the better this week when I had a “Divine Appointment”. I went to get my windows tinted and the female owner of a shop took me to a shopping center to kill time while they worked on my vehicle. We began talking and she told me her testimony and some amazing G-d ( YHWH) intervention stories. We ended up talking, parked in her car, the entire time. I never got out of the car when the phone rang for the shop to tell me my Tahoe was done I couldn’t believe it. 

At one point, I was sharing my “Accident” story and she rolled down the window and said, ” Fear I command you to leave Shea and never to return. Go! Go! Go! She will be a confident and defensive driver with no fear! ” 

When I got out of her car, I asked her if I could hug her. I felt like the Father sent me an Spirit filled Aunt to encourage me, inspire me, plant more seeds of Faith and to comfort me. As strong as I am in my faith we all need Sisters and Brothers to encourage us. I mean come on, we are human. I think that  I needed her to finish what I had started, to ” Cast out the Spirit of Fear for good.” 

Since then, I have been on the freeway, the crazy windy road and felt at ease. My dizziness spells have left and my body in general feels different on the inside. I’m so thankful to the Father above sending someone to spiritually wash off the residue from the accident. 

I’m not going to let this beautiful story of protection and grace be dominated by a Spirit of Fear. Get back Satan!

We all have fear in some areas of our life. Fear is one of the enemies strongest tools and demonic spirits that takes over our minds and effects our bodies too. 

Fear cancels faith. So we have to tackle it and get others to help us cast it out quickly. 

Thank you Holy Spirit for sending me a Sister in Christ who is bold and strong in her faith. 

 

Reflection: 

1. Are you fearing something? If so what is it? 
2. Visualize Yahshua with you or in that of which you fear…feel His Peace, His Protection, His Guidance, His Hand. 
3. Get a friend who is rooted in his/her faith…repent of your fear and ask that friend to command the Spirit of fear to leave and never to return. 

 

Read Out Loud Scriptures:

Isaiah 35: 4

4 say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.”

Declaration: “I declare that I will be Strong. I will not fear. My God will protect and save me.  Spirit of Fear Leave Now! ”

John 14: 7

27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Declaration: ” I declare the peace of Jesus ( Yahshua) over my entire being. I will be joyful. I will be hopeful. I will praise you for all the good you are doing and will do in my life. I will not be afraid but will be confident in you. Spirit of Anxiousness and Fear I stand on His word and promises…You must leave right now in Jesus  ( Yahshua Hamashiach Name! ).

Health Tip

Lemon Balm tea and oil is really good for calming. In fact, it has been used in mental institutions and with dementia patients to calm nerves. Now, if you drink the tea, it’s more powerful on an empty stomach. But if you ate, then drink two cups. I also have the oil. I have also used this on my son’s cold sores. I made a lip balm and put a few drops of the oil in the mixture. 

• Stress.
• Anxiety.
• Cognitive function.
• Insomnia.
• Cold sores.
• Indigestion.
• Nausea.
• Menstrual cramps